Marriage Trends and Divorce: Week 2

Marriage is declining.  Divorce rates are high.  Cohabitation is on the rise.  These headlines are a bit disturbing to those that believe in traditional marriage.  How does one go about teaching others the importance of marriage to a society that has continually shifting attitudes towards marriage? 

It is time to get back to basics and understand the purpose of marriage and how it impacts children.  President Kimball’s quote on marriage states, “Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing.  The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”  As society is falling further down the path the adversary intends, now is the time for those of us who believe in marriage and family to stand up and share our beliefs and do what we can to reinforce its importance.

What do I believe about marriage and family? As it states in the Family Proclamation, “The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.”   I believe that families are the purpose of the Plan of Salvation and why we are here on earth.  Families serve as an opportunity to learn to become more like our Heavenly Father.  Marriage means commitment, being selfless, loving and supporting each other, sacrifice, and working together for the good of the family. 

When a marriage is over and ends in divorce, it can have a severe impact on children.  Children, in general, from families that experience divorce, have a higher rate of problems with emotions and in behavior and academics than children who remain in a two-parent household (Amato). In a great talk given by Dallin H. Oaks, he states, "Think first of the children.  Because divorce separates the interest of children from the interests of their parents, children are its first victims." ABC News ran a video segment about a Divorce School.  I feel something like this should available for all children who experience a divorce.  The opportunity to share their feelings and to learn how to handle with the divorce is an invaluable resource to children.  It also lets the parents know how the divorce has impacted their children and then, hopefully, they will be better equipped to help their children through the transition.  I do think there are times when divorce is best and probably necessary.  If a child is constantly around fighting and bickering, or abuse or serious transgressions have occurred, it could have more impact on the child than coming from a divorced family.

Marriages can be repaired, in most circumstances, when both partners are willing to fully commit and work at it.  Counseling may be a tool used to help facilitate the work needed to make a marriage whole again.  Prayer is powerful and can help the healing process begin.  Sometimes repentance is needed from both partners.  The Lord should be included in the marriage and will help both partners in their commitment to the marriage.

I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father whose plan for us is based on marriage and families. My family includes the best friends I have on earth.  Dallin H Oaks offers great comfort when he stated, "Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can," and "A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman.  It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection."

References

Amato, P. (Fall, 2005) The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.  The Future of Children. 15(2), 75-9.

Oaks, D.H. (May 2007) Divorce. Ensign.