Accepting Influence and Pride

 Power is craved by the natural man.  Power is the ability to act or produce an effect or the possession of control, authority or influence over others.  Some men and women often feel the need to be in power or control their marriages and not let the other spouse have any influence over them. Historically, this has been a man’s issue where they are the ones in control, but I believe it can shift and become the woman’s issue.  Influencing our spouse and accepting influence from our spouse is not giving up power or control.   It is allowing spouses to honor and respect each other.  As Dr. Gottman puts it, husbands who are emotionally intelligent tend to have happier marriages because they accept the influence of their wives.  This leads the wife to be less negative and nagging to her husband.  And the opposite is true as well.  Dr. Gottman states, “Accepting influence is an attitude, but it’s also a skill that you can hone if you pay attention to how you relate to your spouse.”  

I agree with Dr. Gottman.  Attitude makes a difference.  I know if I have a negative attitude about a problem in my marriage, then talking about the problem is not going to go well.  For example, I have a negative attitude about budgets.  I am not sure exactly why I have such a negative attitude, but I feel constricted and very uncomfortable with one.  For many years, I avoided talking about a budget with my husband.  I would not accept any of his influence in this area.  Over time, I have learned how important it is to have a budget and that it is not constricting, but freeing.  By finally allowing my husband to influence my attitude about our budget, I have been happier about keeping one and it has become easier to adhere to it.   And, I admit it, he was right all along, which leads me to that word, pride.  I had to be humbled in order to accept my husband’s influence.  I needed to put away my selfish pride.

Pride is the universal sin.  It affects each and every one of us.  Pride causes us to fear what men think of us by making us competitive with one another and to look down on each other.  Pride causes us to not accept God’s will in our lives.  Pride causes us to become more selfish and feel we always have to be right.   Allowing pride to enter into a marriage can have devastating effects on the relationship.  I love what H. Wallace Goddard said about how to deal with pride, “Two processes were named above for dealing with natural human narrow-mindedness: getting heaven’s perspective and being open to our partner’s point of view.”  Humility and repentance are the keys to unlock heaven’s perspective and our partner’s perspective.  We can see those perceptive when we turn ourselves over to God and see things through His eyes.  President Benson states, “Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and homes strengthened, if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them. …“The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. …“Let us choose to be humble.”   I am choosing to work on being humble, to repent and to forgive.  Each of these is necessary to make my marriage an even happier one. 

Reference
Power (2017) Merriman-Webster.com.  Retrieved on February 24, 2017 from http//www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/power.

Gottman, J. M. (2015) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Harmony Books. New York, NY. 

Goddard, H. W. (2009) Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage: Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships. Joymap Publishing. Cedar Hills, UT.

Benson, E. T. (1989, May) Beware of Pride. Ensign, 4.