Dr. John Gottman talked about the magic six hours in a marriage. This is the amount of time it takes in a week for a couple to continue to connect and move their marriage forward. Couples who use the magic six hours are spending time and effort to keep their marriage on the right track. Here are the suggestions from Dr. Gottman of what to do in those six hours:
Partings: Say goodbye in the morning and before you go, learn what your spouse has planned for the day. Do this every work day.
Reunions: Give a hug and a kiss when you see each other at the end of the day and also talk about how the day went. Do this every work day
Admirations and appreciation: Look for opportunities to share and communicate genuine affection or appreciation to your spouse. Do this every day.
Affection: Make sure to show physical affection to your spouse every day. Give a kiss and a good night hug every night before bed. Do this every day.
Weekly Date: Spend time together, just the two of you to relax and be romantic. This is a good time to ask open ended questions and really connect with your spouse. Do this every week.
State of the Union Meeting: Meet for one hour each week to talk about the marriage and relationship. Gottman suggests talking about what went right during the week, giving five appreciations to each other, talk about issues that may have arisen, and end the session with, “What can I do to make you feel loved this coming week?”
This is good advice from Gottman to help us work on our marriages.
President Thomas S. Monson has some great advice to go along with what Gottman had to say about marriage:
“Find someone with whom you can be compatible. Realize that you will not be able to anticipate every challenge which may arise, but be assured that almost anything can be worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making your marriage work… when you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Priceless advice comes from a small framed plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, “Choose your love; love your choice.” There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely essential. If any of you are having difficulty in your marriage, I urge you to do all that you can to make whatever repairs are necessary, that you might be as happy as you were when your marriage started out. We who are married in the house of the Lord do so for time and for all eternity, and then we must put forth the necessary effort to make it so.”
As with Gottman, President Monson did not say marriage would be easy. It takes effort, sacrifice, and commitment, but it also takes a great deal of love and affection for our spouses. The more we work on our marriages and show love to our spouses, the more we want to spend time with our spouses. I know when I make the effort to be appreciative and affectionate with my spouse, I find I want to do it again and again. This reminds me of being a committed disciple of Christ. The more time I spend on learning about Christ, the more I want to know about Him and do His will. He is rooting for me to be committed to my marriage and being willing to make the effort to keep my marriage strong.
Gottman, J. M. (2015) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books. New York, NY.
Monson, T. (2011, May) Priesthood Power. Ensign.
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