I was struck by the story from the BYU-Idaho student who wrote about being emotionally unfaithful. I feel the problem of being emotionally unfaithful is more common that we think. When times get tough in a marriage, sometimes it is easy to look for support from someone else. Kenneth Matheson stated this is a form of spiritual infidelity. He said, “Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife.” Spiritual infidelity is one that occurs gradually and sometimes you might not even know it is happening to you until it is too late. Matheson gave an example of questions to answer to see if you might be falling into the trap of emotional infidelity:
“Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”
“Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”
“Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”
“Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”
“Have you told your spouse about these messages?”
“Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?”
“Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”
“Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”
President Kimball stated, “There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22).
And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: “Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.”
Matheson also shared how important it is to work on our spiritual fidelity. He said, “This phrase underscores the seriousness of the choices we make because it recognizes the eternal potential of our marital relationships as well as the importance of acting in accordance with the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Spiritual fidelity also causes us to consider the sacred covenants we have made in the temple and how the very nature of our thoughts and deeds can undermine those covenants. In other words, if a person is unfaithful spiritually he is not honoring his temple covenants even though he has not committed physical acts of intimacy.”
Spiritual fidelity can be restored through repentance, using the power of the Atonement to help in healing, prayer, fasting, and temple attendance. Gottman has taught us to work on our love maps, enhance our fondness and admiration, and to turn towards each other in order to put the emphasis back onto our partner and marriage. It will take time if spiritual fidelity is broken to rebuild trust and loyalty. While I have no direct experience with spiritual infidelity, I can see how easily it could happen to a couple. This class has helped me to continue to put my marriage first, to not forget about date nights, to develop my love map, and to have a greater appreciation for my spouse, which helps to build my spiritual fidelity to my husband.
Reference
Matheson, K.W. (2009.Sept) Fidelity in Marriage: It’s More Than You Think. Ensign.
Gottman, J. M. (2015) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books. New York, NY.
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